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Nexuspective
- By Art Robinson
- Published 20/10/2009
- NEXUS FEATURE
- Unrated
This has been a year of ups and downs for Nexus, the University of Waikato and the world in general. There have been deaths, births and Nazi-hunts, victories and losses, successes and failures. Let’s turn back the clock and gaze upon all those things we have seen this year, and then gotten drunk and forgotten.
O-Week: What would Waikato be without an O-Week. Victoria University, that’s what. With creepy ponytail hypnotist, Guy Carter, and hilariously unfunny funny-man Dai Henwood entertaining the crowds of students, people quickly started going to other universities or getting lost on the sexually charged arenas of Bar 101 or the Outback.
Cunt on Campus: 27th-29th of April saw more vagina on campus than at a drunken night at Student Village. The WSU’s production of the Vagina Monologues was enjoyed by those who went. Ten actresses bared all for the crowd (at least verbally) as issues such as orgasms, gender equality and rape were investigated through dramatic representations of true life stories. At the end of the production the crowd all chanted “that word” which had N for Nexus in it. We always knew we were a key part of any vaginal experience. The production was very well received and raised money for victims of rape.
Michael Jackson died, which most of you will remember. Most of you are the right age to have been scared that he would turn up at your house in the 90s and made sweet, sweet love to you. Most of you won’t, however, go and see his movie, This Is It. A movie featuring the final days of a dead celebrity only works when there are capes and face paint. Also, in the last few days, it has been confirmed that Paul Anka actually wrote the soon to be released Michael Jackson single. Boo! Hiss!
Farraw Fawcett and Patrick Swayze both passed away from the cancers. One was the object of my fantasies for years. The other was a Charlie’s Angel. Patrick Swayze was the star of such films as Dirty Dancing, Ghost and Road House and featured as a paedophile in Donnie Darko. Farrah Fawcett had massive hair and spent a lot of time in togs. Guess who we are mourning the most. That’s right: boobies win out everytime.
The Samoan Tsunami turned out to be a horrific event for the island paradise and a good reason for every dick head in coastal New Zealand to go stand on the beach. If there had been a proper tidal wave hitting New Zealand, our average IQ would’ve jumped a whole lot. The WSU sprang into action and collected a whole lot of canned food and clothing to send over to our Pacific cousins. Good work WSU. Bad work Mother Nature. You’re a bitch. Also, a few days later another part of the world was shaken by earthquakes. Go and see 2012 when it comes out and tell me you’re not afraid.
Professor James Ritchie, of the University of Waikato Psychology Department, passed away on the 24th of September. With him we lost a link between Maori and Pakeha in this country and a great mind. He promoted the raising of children without physical force and was an all-round stand up guy. He will be missed.
Ben Gilby-Todd, another stand-up guy, passed away after a motorcycle accident in Croatia earlier this month. A popular man taken before his time, one his friends recalls him as “the kind of guy you want to have around. He had this kind of energy that was always there”. A keen hockey player (playing for Waikato and Midlands) and a management student, he too will be missed. I never had the pleasure of meeting him, but a lot of people I think are awesome think he is awesome and that’s enough for me.
John Hughes died. No one, according to Doctor Richard Swainson, should really give a toss. Considering he wrote Beethoven (the movie about the giant, down-syndrome dog), Nexus would have to concur. He also wrote Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles. Big whoop. I once wrote a rude poem about dicks and farts. Where’s my goddamn award?!
Murdering bastard Clayton Weatherston was sent away for a good long time after murdering to death his ex-girlfriend and former student Sophie Elliot. It turns out that cheating on your boyfriend is not actually grounds for him to stab you a few hundred times. Weatherston will be away for close to twenty years and probably won’t be too popular with the ladies when he gets out. With his cheeky grin and pretty hair, I’m sure he’s real popular in prison though.
Editor Josh Drummond hunted a Nazi. He went all Simon Wiesenthal on some punk Kraut and came out with ONE HUNDRED NAZI SCALPS. A student at Waikato wrote a Masters paper about Neo-Nazi stuff and satanic stuff. A Neo-Nazi complained about it. Waikato University took it off the shelves. Nexus sprang into action and roundhouse kicked Waikato in the face. Nazis: 0. Nexus: 1. The story was later re-run in the New Zealand Jewish Chronicle, virtually guaranteeing Drummond a high-paying position with the Illuminati-Zionist elite who secretly run the world. Hint, hint.
The End of Agony and Bogan: Long running columns Agony Art And Boganology have come to a close after three and four years respectively. This has nothing to do with either Bogan getting a girlfriend or with Agony getting engaged. Honest.
Dead Baby Jokes accidentally featured on the puzzle page in August. This offended plenty of readers. Nexus promptly apologised. Somehow, local news/toilet paper Waikato Times took two months to hear about it. Once they did, they took the logical next step of running a story with a headline that made it look like Nexus not only abused children, but harvested their organs and sold them to Jews for blood libel rituals. Also, it was revealed that when you apologise to Parentline, you actually make it worse. Nexus would like to reiterate that it is very sorry for the baby jokes, but that making jokes about a terrible thing is not the same thing as doing or condoning it, as some apparently believe. By way of example, we recommend the movie The Aristocrats (R18) starring noted non-child-abusers Robin Williams, Sarah Silverman, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Penn Jillette, Teller, Jason Alexander, Hank Azaria, Bob Saget, (of Full House fame) and many, many more. Fun for all the family.
O-Week: What would Waikato be without an O-Week. Victoria University, that’s what. With creepy ponytail hypnotist, Guy Carter, and hilariously unfunny funny-man Dai Henwood entertaining the crowds of students, people quickly started going to other universities or getting lost on the sexually charged arenas of Bar 101 or the Outback.
Cunt on Campus: 27th-29th of April saw more vagina on campus than at a drunken night at Student Village. The WSU’s production of the Vagina Monologues was enjoyed by those who went. Ten actresses bared all for the crowd (at least verbally) as issues such as orgasms, gender equality and rape were investigated through dramatic representations of true life stories. At the end of the production the crowd all chanted “that word” which had N for Nexus in it. We always knew we were a key part of any vaginal experience. The production was very well received and raised money for victims of rape.
Michael Jackson died, which most of you will remember. Most of you are the right age to have been scared that he would turn up at your house in the 90s and made sweet, sweet love to you. Most of you won’t, however, go and see his movie, This Is It. A movie featuring the final days of a dead celebrity only works when there are capes and face paint. Also, in the last few days, it has been confirmed that Paul Anka actually wrote the soon to be released Michael Jackson single. Boo! Hiss!
Farraw Fawcett and Patrick Swayze both passed away from the cancers. One was the object of my fantasies for years. The other was a Charlie’s Angel. Patrick Swayze was the star of such films as Dirty Dancing, Ghost and Road House and featured as a paedophile in Donnie Darko. Farrah Fawcett had massive hair and spent a lot of time in togs. Guess who we are mourning the most. That’s right: boobies win out everytime.
The Samoan Tsunami turned out to be a horrific event for the island paradise and a good reason for every dick head in coastal New Zealand to go stand on the beach. If there had been a proper tidal wave hitting New Zealand, our average IQ would’ve jumped a whole lot. The WSU sprang into action and collected a whole lot of canned food and clothing to send over to our Pacific cousins. Good work WSU. Bad work Mother Nature. You’re a bitch. Also, a few days later another part of the world was shaken by earthquakes. Go and see 2012 when it comes out and tell me you’re not afraid.
Professor James Ritchie, of the University of Waikato Psychology Department, passed away on the 24th of September. With him we lost a link between Maori and Pakeha in this country and a great mind. He promoted the raising of children without physical force and was an all-round stand up guy. He will be missed.
Ben Gilby-Todd, another stand-up guy, passed away after a motorcycle accident in Croatia earlier this month. A popular man taken before his time, one his friends recalls him as “the kind of guy you want to have around. He had this kind of energy that was always there”. A keen hockey player (playing for Waikato and Midlands) and a management student, he too will be missed. I never had the pleasure of meeting him, but a lot of people I think are awesome think he is awesome and that’s enough for me.
John Hughes died. No one, according to Doctor Richard Swainson, should really give a toss. Considering he wrote Beethoven (the movie about the giant, down-syndrome dog), Nexus would have to concur. He also wrote Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles. Big whoop. I once wrote a rude poem about dicks and farts. Where’s my goddamn award?!
Murdering bastard Clayton Weatherston was sent away for a good long time after murdering to death his ex-girlfriend and former student Sophie Elliot. It turns out that cheating on your boyfriend is not actually grounds for him to stab you a few hundred times. Weatherston will be away for close to twenty years and probably won’t be too popular with the ladies when he gets out. With his cheeky grin and pretty hair, I’m sure he’s real popular in prison though.
Editor Josh Drummond hunted a Nazi. He went all Simon Wiesenthal on some punk Kraut and came out with ONE HUNDRED NAZI SCALPS. A student at Waikato wrote a Masters paper about Neo-Nazi stuff and satanic stuff. A Neo-Nazi complained about it. Waikato University took it off the shelves. Nexus sprang into action and roundhouse kicked Waikato in the face. Nazis: 0. Nexus: 1. The story was later re-run in the New Zealand Jewish Chronicle, virtually guaranteeing Drummond a high-paying position with the Illuminati-Zionist elite who secretly run the world. Hint, hint.
The End of Agony and Bogan: Long running columns Agony Art And Boganology have come to a close after three and four years respectively. This has nothing to do with either Bogan getting a girlfriend or with Agony getting engaged. Honest.
Dead Baby Jokes accidentally featured on the puzzle page in August. This offended plenty of readers. Nexus promptly apologised. Somehow, local news/toilet paper Waikato Times took two months to hear about it. Once they did, they took the logical next step of running a story with a headline that made it look like Nexus not only abused children, but harvested their organs and sold them to Jews for blood libel rituals. Also, it was revealed that when you apologise to Parentline, you actually make it worse. Nexus would like to reiterate that it is very sorry for the baby jokes, but that making jokes about a terrible thing is not the same thing as doing or condoning it, as some apparently believe. By way of example, we recommend the movie The Aristocrats (R18) starring noted non-child-abusers Robin Williams, Sarah Silverman, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Penn Jillette, Teller, Jason Alexander, Hank Azaria, Bob Saget, (of Full House fame) and many, many more. Fun for all the family.